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Wikipedia describes “casual sex” as “sexual activity that takes place outside a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment, or familiarity between sexual partners.”
If one asks a religious leader about casual sex, the answer usually is a big “no.”
Half of the U.S. Christians say casual sex is sometimes or always acceptable, according to a Pew Research study. Six in 10 Catholics (62%) take this view, as do 56% of Protestants in the historically Black tradition, 54% of mainline Protestants and 36% of evangelical Protestants.
Among those who are religiously unaffiliated, meanwhile, the vast majority (84%) say casual sex is sometimes or always acceptable. Roughly nine in 10 atheists (94%) and agnostics (95%) say this.
We asked our panel: Is casual sex between consenting adults OK?
Bonding results
ElizaBeth Webb Beyer, Jewish rabbi
Casual sex without any relationship is to be avoided. Many people consider marriage the proper place for sex, at least in theory. So, the conscience of a participant in casual sex may feel shame or depression. Sex outside marriage erodes the psychological, spiritual and procreative value of sex, and undermines marriage. According to some, unmarried adults may be sexual partners if they have a monogamous relationship based upon ethics such as mutual respect, honesty and health.
Sex without any sort of a relationship risks STDs, COVID-19, unwanted pregnancy and the emotional fallout from the partner who may not have the same feelings about sex. After all, sex causes women to release oxytocin. As a result, bonding is a normal consequence of sex. Perhaps that is why Biblically, a man who entices a single woman to have sex must marry her, unless her father refuses (Exodus 22:15-16).
A terrible disconnect
Stephen R. Karcher, presiding priest, Saint Anthony Greek Orthodox Church
To quote Lawrence Farley, “casual sex is a contradiction in terms.” That’s because the “hooking up,” or “fornication” as some call it, frustrates and dilutes the first intended goal of authentic human sexuality, which is to be a pathway to human growth. Merely “hooking up” does not and cannot set us upon this path to authenticity. Instead, it severs the act from the relationship; it separates sex from commitment and love.
There is really no way to engage in casual sex without treating the other person as an object, a thing to be used and discarded, rather than as a person with eternal and infinite value, made in the image of God. The result leaves us alone and diminished, just one object surrounded by other objects. Daniel Bethancourt asks what is gained by this approach? His answer: Only a terrible disconnection from other people and an ever-decreasing ability to receive and reflect Divine love.
Playing with fire
Nancy Lee Cecil, Baha’i teacher
If two consenting adults have casual sex, why should anyone (including God) care? Sex is not bad; it’s just sex.
Only it isn’t!
It’s the most intimate form of human contact, and affects humans on a profound and emotional level, whether subconscious or otherwise, male or female. The research offers data to support this conclusion: Those who abstain from casual sex have happier and longer marriages. In fact, there is a direct correlation between number of sexual partners and relationship satisfaction in later life, especially when sex has been deferred until a commitment has been made.
The Baha’i Writings tell us, “When we unite love with sex in its proper place — which is marriage — we have an abiding foundation of happiness and strength from which to draw. Sex can strengthen love, love can sublimate sex into a spiritual communication, a joy for the soul as well as the body.”
There’s more to sex than just sex
Bryan Smith, lead pastor, Summit Christian Church, Sparks
If we are nothing more than a combination of cells and tissue trying to make the most of a few decades of existence, then we are free to do what we want with our body. However, if we’re more than that we should heed guardrails put around certain activities, including sex.
God has designed us for relationship and certainly sex is part of that. The intent of sex is deep union between husband and wife. It moves well beyond the casual use of certain organs. Why contain sex to just marriage? Why contain the fire to the fireplace? Something good can become destructive when improperly used. Sharing of ourselves outside of marriage in ways that are intended only for our spouse brings pain and heartache now and down the road. We need to first have a deep and abiding commitment within marriage followed by the physical union of sex.
Opinions will vary
Kenneth G. Lucey, philosophy/religion professor emeritus, University of Nevada
The question posed has a unique application to the adult citizens of the State of Nevada. This is due to the fact that Nevada has legalized brothels in various Nevada counties. The whole point of a legal brothel is to make casual sex between consenting adults (i.e., prostitution) OK. In a state where such activity is OK in the eyes of the law when paid for, it obviously must be OK when engaged in voluntarily for free.
It is another issue altogether when “OK” is understood as “morally OK,” because different religions have different moral codes regarding casual sex. As a respondent who is not affiliated with any religion, I’ll leave it to the practitioners of the various sects to articulate their religion’s stand on casual sex between consenting adults. Since the question asked solicits my personal opinion, I would simply note that I don’t endorse casual promiscuity.
Only marriage
Sherif A. Elfass, member, Northern Nevada Muslim Community
Marriage, as defined in the Quran, is the only contemporary lawful outlet for sexual activity. Thus, consensual sexual relationship of any kind, casual or not, that falls outside of a lawful marriage is absolutely forbidden (17:32, 24:2). Zina, which is the Islamic legal term referring to unlawful sexual intercourse, is the third major sin in Islam (25:68) and requires sincere repentance. The punishment of Zina committed by married people is harsher than unmarried people. In the Quran, Allah (SWT) orders the believers to not even come close to Zina (17:32). Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) explained it further by saying: “No man is alone with a woman but Satan is the third one present.” That is why a Muslim man, or a woman, should not be alone with the opposite sex in a private setting. It should be noted however, that no sin befalls victims of a non-consensual intercourse (i.e., rape).
They become one flesh
Daniel H. Mueggenborg, bishop, Roman Catholic Diocese of Reno
Jesus said, “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus taught that sexual activity has a purpose. It is to be used to unify a man and a woman who have been joined together by God.
The definition of “casual sex” provided for this question is as follows: “Sexual activity that takes place outside a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment, or familiarity between sexual partners.” That is pretty much the exact opposite of what Jesus taught.
When comparing the two, the teaching of Jesus regarding sexual activity seems to me much more human, fulfilling, admirable, and even desirable.
Deep relationship is essential
Matthew T. Fisher, resident priest, Reno Buddhist Center
Casual intimacy is a contradiction in terms. If it is casual, it is not intimate. The Buddha opposed any immersion in sensuality. He did this out of compassion, seeing sensuality blinds us and binds us in ways we don’t even see. The delusion that getting pleasure will somehow alleviate or assuage ubiquitous suffering in Samsara, is a fundamental error, a delusion. Sex with a stranger certainly will not solve it. Wantonly indulging in sensuality is a very dangerous and fraught path, usually leading to trouble.
What if it is a terrible mistake? This is a common conclusion the next morning. In that case, learn from the experience that such an indulgence is an error and live with better discipline and greater care for your future. Our karma is always in your hands. Making good choices sometimes means learning from making bad choices.
Choose to obey eternal laws for extraordinary blessings
Micheal L. Peterson, northwest Nevada media specialist, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
It is not all right for those seeking God’s greatest and ultimate gift: living with Him and with our family throughout all eternity! For us to receive this extraordinary blessing, Heavenly Father commanded sexual intimacy be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman (Doctrine and Covenants 42:22-24). The law of chastity is an eternal law, given by Heavenly Father to all His children in all ages and remains in force. As with other commandments, the law is given by Heavenly Father to bless and help His children achieve their divine potential.
It is best understood within the context of Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation and exaltation (Alma 12:32). Obeying the law of chastity includes abstaining from all sexual relations before marriage and remaining completely faithful and loyal after marriage (Jacob 2:27-30). Obedience to the law will bring extraordinary blessings in this life as well as throughout eternity.
Junk food
Dawn M. Blundell, senior pastor, Epworth United Methodist Church, Fallon.
First and foremost, I think we humans care much more about who everyone has sex with than God does. But here goes: I think that, more often than not, casual sex with a virtual stranger does us more harm than good, emotionally and spiritually, and for that reason God guides us against it.
At the same time, the purity culture that is so worried about this can and often does do more harm than casual sex does. If it is truly between consenting adults, then casual sex is OK the way drinking or smoking or junk food is OK — not great for you, but not the end of the world either. Sex can be a beautiful, powerful thing. It is emotionally risky and has the power to foster deep communication and spiritual connection. A loving, committed relationship is much better place to experience its beauty and vulnerability.
Yes — with responsibility
Gaia Brown, member, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Northern Nevada
The Unitarian Universalist multi-aged religious education curriculum on sexuality, “Our Whole Lives,” confirms that humans are sexual beings throughout their lives, and human bodies are exquisite entities that are made for joy. So, while individual adults’ personal situations may mean they aren’t always in committed relationships, they still have the right to express their sexuality, certainly with themselves, maybe with someone else.
But with every freedom comes responsibility. Thus, each person should consider the possible consequences of their actions on themselves and their sexual partner, even when (maybe most importantly when!) the encounter is casual. This means ensuring physical protection against sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancies. It also means considering possible emotional fallout, particularly if one or both parties are not honest and clear about expectations. And, of course, if one or both parties are already in a committed relationship, there are many more responsibilities to consider.
Next week’s topic: Can most things in society be plainly categorized into evil and good?
Faith Forum is a weekly dialogue on religion produced by religious statesman Rajan Zed. Send questions or comments to [email protected] or on Twitter at @rajanzed.
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